its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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