I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
