Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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