I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize