brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.