You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?