I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I currently don't understand fingers.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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