I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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