8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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