On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize