All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
