And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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