I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
