TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
