Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is Oprah even human
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
