theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
