If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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