What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
