bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it glows. i had to have it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need to align my fucking chakras
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
