Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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