you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
