For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
