He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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