I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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