I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
