how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
