so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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