I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
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I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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