Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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