I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize