I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
