Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
