He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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