it's like iHOP with fire
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
