Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
