and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
