Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
