just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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