It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
