Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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