Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
smell my finger.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize