See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
