Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've blown a few things in my day
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize