I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
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It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?