I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
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Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.