Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
