JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i now understand why vodka
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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