If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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