Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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