if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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