i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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