why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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