i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
