just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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